Thursday, May 18, 2017

Waking up

There´s a moment in everyone´s life, that makes you drop to bottom or/and wake. I have had my share of those moments, but yet and again..one more. I use to say, cheat me once and I´m gone. But.. well..now I´m not. I have, maybe learned, grew up or just got more stupid. That I don´t know. But anyway, here I am and have suffered one week, again.
This last week has been full of emotions, I have been disappointed, angry, sad, mad, down, crying, having some issues with my heart. I actually was thinking, that there´s something wrong with me. Yep, I was (now I´m in the edge) in bottom. Now, indeed, feeling a bit shattered but some new feeling is waking inside of me.

Some small, light, shallow feeling of strength. Some shallow feeling of better me. Thought that I do deserve good things, to be me, to be free without shame or fear. I deserve to be me and do those things that I like. I´m not in that part yet, to figures what I really like but something inside of me is whispering: you will know....

I have lived mostly like I like. Mostly. I have kept, still, so much under the rock too. I have lived like is expected: being a good woman and acting like one. And no, not gonna be bad, no! But there´s such a passion to write, dress up, talk, walk like I use to. I have always been such a wild child. Keeping that away has been tough, missed that part of me.

It took this episode to open my eyes and realize: why the hell not? Why not do those things that my heart has whispered such a long time... me ignoring myself.

You see, my biggest "problem" is, I like to take care of others too much. Thinking that not hurting, or don´t wanna upset too much. Instead I did that to myself, but I suck it up too easily. That wasn´t too big thing to worry about. No? Me? Yep, way to go. Of course I should matter to me.

Still kind of confused, how to survive, how to continue, but just maybe..life goes on.

xoxox

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