Sounds funny, but somehow I was still thinking, did I just overthough things. I mean...11 years and I started to wonder, how long has this double life been going on. How much of my life was a lie and how was there a truth somewhere.
That put me so down, kept me so tired..still kind of doing it, but feeling a bit stronger.
Not gonna lie, my body is taking this strongly, my heart does this jumps and a small panic is around the corner. But. I have, against my odds, feeling that I´m starting to heal..slowly. I´m finding small strength again, real slowly but surely.
I´m starting to understand, that I do matter. My life matters. My dreams matters and my feelings matters. Those are kind of new things to me.
Sometimes waking up is at first so hard, but after some time... also empowering.
I do have a will to survive. I will find my way.
That I have to remember. And I actually do believe in that. I know, that there´s still so much to face, so much to overcome but....in the end... I will survive.
Need to remember that.....