Sunday, November 6, 2016

Dearest weekend

Why did you let me go through all this?

Well, because you are my friend, dear diary, I can tell you more about it.

Today I got (almost) nervous breakdown. Yesterday I did what I didnt want to do: I ate...a lot. I mean, you know, that I´m having my trainer and diet...still, sausage..meat pie, chocolate, candy...all of those, that I have been avoiding past 1,5 years. I know, it was more for comfort than in need. Stupid me.

But since I was having my nervous breakdown, it felt ok. Go with a flow and so on.

Why then? Why did I felt like that. That´s a long story. Do you have a moment? Or two?

It all begin 2 years ago. My life, once again changed. Before that, 4 years ago it did, and actually it has been chancing all of my life. But I finally thought that there´s not too much changes to left, those hard one´s. Yet..there is and was. Shortly: I stared to take care of my mother in law, she got sick. That´s a good thing, that I can help I like to help. But since that...well, I have been dealing so many things, had to fight, do, plan, help....yesterday I felt like I really want to escape from my life. Today..I was so tired, that first I didnt felt a thing... later a huge cry. Now? I´m sitting in our home, drinking coffee next to fire place and calming down.

I realized, that I need more me- time. Me- doing. Me, as a woman. You know, high heels, lipstick, being a bit vain... that I need more.

One part of me is more or less a nurse but to be in balance, I need my womanhood. Like Yin and Yang.
It was long enough just Yang.

  • Meditation
  • Shopping
  • Spa
  • Coffee in some totally awesome place
  • Fashion shows
  • Romantic movies
  • Yet, a bit walking dead
  • Low calorie- chocolate
  • A lot of that (above)
That list will be longer, but to the start. Those basic things that every woman is worth of. Not too much to ask, I believe? 

I´m worth it...really. 

Now, I will see you soon again, this was just that first writing and told something about me and my situation. Next, I´m gonna be really bad and gonna play one playstation game named: Call of duty. In that game I can truly release my mind. That game is going straight to my nerves and I can act like man. Shoot, swear, to be that crazy bit##. After that I will make my nails, I have this awesome new color! It´s like winter, cool it. I will tell you more about it next time. 


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