Saturday, December 10, 2016

what a fab day

Dear diary, and if there´s someone out there to reading this.

I´m just starting to put my make up, nice clothes and then some delicious food. After that to some cappucino in some awesome place! Sounds good, right?

Well, the truth is...Yes, putting make up, yes, good food and nice clothes and having coffee but heading to see my mother in law to hospital. Reality bites here. I´m drinking black coffee from cardboard cup. Hoping that she will recognize me.

I would rather do that first thing, but I want, of course, go and see that iron woman. Who have had 2 strokes after one big one.

I would rather go to cappucino, cause then she would be ok and home. You know?

What can I say, life dosent listen always us, we have to listen it. Or close enough.

After that I was planning to do some decoration and enjoy chocolate and just relax. 

Reality: I try to clean whatever our 4 cats and 2 dogs has done, while we are gone. After that I´m taking my protein and go to our home gym, to lift some heavy iron. Sounds like a lady- thing to do?

Can I lost myself here, in some weird cloud and just be with my pink dreams? Like you know, fluffy, warm and happy happy joyful things. White, pure home and smiling people? Can I do just that, for a moment. Or week. Or... you know, more? I need some escape......small break.

Fluffy dreams.....


Sunday, November 6, 2016

Dearest weekend

Why did you let me go through all this?

Well, because you are my friend, dear diary, I can tell you more about it.

Today I got (almost) nervous breakdown. Yesterday I did what I didnt want to do: I ate...a lot. I mean, you know, that I´m having my trainer and diet...still, sausage..meat pie, chocolate, candy...all of those, that I have been avoiding past 1,5 years. I know, it was more for comfort than in need. Stupid me.

But since I was having my nervous breakdown, it felt ok. Go with a flow and so on.

Why then? Why did I felt like that. That´s a long story. Do you have a moment? Or two?

It all begin 2 years ago. My life, once again changed. Before that, 4 years ago it did, and actually it has been chancing all of my life. But I finally thought that there´s not too much changes to left, those hard one´s. Yet..there is and was. Shortly: I stared to take care of my mother in law, she got sick. That´s a good thing, that I can help I like to help. But since that...well, I have been dealing so many things, had to fight, do, plan, help....yesterday I felt like I really want to escape from my life. Today..I was so tired, that first I didnt felt a thing... later a huge cry. Now? I´m sitting in our home, drinking coffee next to fire place and calming down.

I realized, that I need more me- time. Me- doing. Me, as a woman. You know, high heels, lipstick, being a bit vain... that I need more.

One part of me is more or less a nurse but to be in balance, I need my womanhood. Like Yin and Yang.
It was long enough just Yang.

  • Meditation
  • Shopping
  • Spa
  • Coffee in some totally awesome place
  • Fashion shows
  • Romantic movies
  • Yet, a bit walking dead
  • Low calorie- chocolate
  • A lot of that (above)
That list will be longer, but to the start. Those basic things that every woman is worth of. Not too much to ask, I believe? 

I´m worth it...really. 

Now, I will see you soon again, this was just that first writing and told something about me and my situation. Next, I´m gonna be really bad and gonna play one playstation game named: Call of duty. In that game I can truly release my mind. That game is going straight to my nerves and I can act like man. Shoot, swear, to be that crazy bit##. After that I will make my nails, I have this awesome new color! It´s like winter, cool it. I will tell you more about it next time.